Updated on November 10, 2005, 2:45 PM - Written by Tim Buttner
I always figured that the plan was flawed. It was clear from the beginning that someone would want a bigger piece of the pie than they could eat. When you assemble a team of criminals, you are dealing with… well criminals. By nature they are untrustworthy. I should have seen this coming. Why had I not? Perhaps it was because of the broad.
I was too blinded with infatuation to see what lay beneath the surface. To quote Orson Welles in the movie with him and the broad who tricked him, "The only way to stay out of trouble is to grow old, so I guess I'll concentrate on that." Well, I will add to that quote and make it, "The only way to stay out of trouble is to grow old or die young, so I guess I'll concentrate on one of the two." I managed to accomplish the second, but not by my own will. The will was all hers. Orson Welles said in that same movie, "Personally I don't like a girlfriend to have a husband, if she'll fool a husband, she'll fool me." Guess what, my broad fooled me all right. She got me like Ava Gardner got Burt Lancaster in that Hemingway flick. What was that flick again? The Killers. I was a killer, in my own little world. Eh, what does it matter? The world is larger than we would like to think.
I was employed in a hardware and kitchen store when she strolled into my life. I was repairing on a light that had gone out. I was close to done when she came through the door, soaking wet from the rain outside. I could not take my eyes off her. My hands kept working, but my mind was gone. I was blinded. That damn light came back on and… next thing I knew, I was on the ground with a bump on the back of my head. I woke up to those beautiful green eyes starring down at me. Her voice rang out like sirens calling me to jump off my vessel. I was at her bidding call.
She wanted me to show her some of dem new refrigerators we got in the other day. I was fine from my fall so I showed her personally. We got to talking and I learned that she came from one of those well to do families. My heart sank because there was no chance for a gal like her and a guy like me. I decided the only way to win her was to lie; that would impress her. I had done a few crimes in my life so I elaborated on those and made them a bit more… exciting.
It might have been those tales that got me into this mess in the first place. But then again, it might have been because I was stupid. I told her too much for my own good. She bought the refrigerator and was gone like a magician's unfortunate sidekick. I thought she was out of my life for good then, but I was wrong.
Later after I got off work, a few stoolies were waiting around to take me to meet with her. She and this fella, I think he was her beau, were planning a heist and needed some experienced muscle. Because I needed the extra dough, and also wanted to impress that little lady, I took the job.
Man, was I a fool. They brought in a couple of guys from Hungary who didn't even speak English. They doubted my abilities when it came to planning this thing (plot or heist, what ever it was) out. I had knocked over a few convenience stores and small banks in my day, but what they were going after was suicide. I had to lie about how extravagant my exploits were to convince them that I was good. At least I was able to come up with some better plans than those Hungarian schmucks.
All I needed was to convince them that I was a killer. That is where the problem lay. I had never killed anyone if my life, not even in self-defense. Hmmm. What to do? What to do?
That is when my first test came up. The little lady wanted me to take care of someone who they thought to be a snoop. I figured it wouldn't be that difficult considering the circumstances. It could be regarded as self-defense on my part. I was only trying to protect my prospects. So I took the designated slime ball out to the ocean and let him sleep with dem lovely fishes. He had no complaints. It was fast, silent, and clean. I was totally ensconced in the scheme now. No one doubted me anymore. That pleasant Delilah was also paying more attention to me as well. Delilah was not her name of course, so look the word up in the dictionary if you can't figure out what I am calling her.
The day arrived. The heist was upon me as soon as the sun set upon the tallest building's glass panes. I could not escape the rush, the fear, and the guilt. Murphy's law is a bitch. We had to be cursed from the beginning. In fact we were. That seductress was a cop all along. So was her beau. They were playing us like worms on a hook. And we took the bait. All my work was for nothing.
As I was being hauled off to the joint, she said to me, "Real sorry babe, but love and work just don't mash as well as potatoes."
I smiled back at her and said, "Yes, but we will always have the refrigerator. See you beyond the white light, Lorelei." That was her name, with the same meaning as Delilah: femme fatale. In German myth, Lorelei was a siren that lured boatmen to shipwreck on the Rhine.
I got the chair for that man I killed. He was criminal. He had caught onto my darling's lies. He was a snoop, but for us, not dem coppers. Stupid bastard, why did you not say something before I killed ya? I could've got out of this mess earlier.
All's done and over with. I am in heaven, so why am I complaining. Maybe because in the end I learned a valuable lesson. One I can use here to trick a couple of dem sucker angels into giving me their golden harps. Just kiddin'. Oh my, my. I got you there for a second. What a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive. Enjoy your lives folks, while you still got them. I am going to play some backgammon with God. Peace out from heaven.
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